This week’s CELEBRITY APPRENTICE was promoted as a three-hour special, but in reality, it was just a double header. Two tasks, two boardrooms, two firings, but three are gone.

SPOILER ALERT: If you are afraid to watch the show for fear of having your brain melted, then please continue. Otherwise, exercise caution. I’ll be revealing details about Sunday’s episode. If you don’t want to know who returned to obscurity, then stop reading! Here’s an article about CELEBRITY APPRENTICE alum George Takei. Read that instead!

Previously on the show, Patricia Velasquez was fired by Donald Trump. Aubrey lost, but still managed to snake $10,000 out of Trump. Clay Aiken gained $50,000 for the National Inclusion Project.

Aubrey says the wrong person was fired. She says Dayana should be next to go. Debbie says the team is dysfunctional and too emotional.

The Task

The teams meet in the lobby of Trump Tower. The teams are going to create a New York celebrity guidebook, and they will sell the book. The hitch (shameless promotion) is that it will be built using the Toshiba Tablet. The team that makes the most money wins.

Without any discussion, Teresa steps up immediately to be project manager. Her charity is The NephCure Foundation. Aubrey rolls her eyes (take a drink). The guys choose Dee Snider, who is playing for the March of Dimes. As an added bonus, the team that creates the best book will get $35,000 added to their total. A special celebrity guest will help judge the books. The winning manager gets ALL THE CASH for charity.

Planning for a Guidebook

Teresa starts the meeting by saying the girls need to raise lots of money. Debbie is like “duh.” Dayana starts spouting off ideas for the book. Debbie says they should do a photo mission for a few hours.

Dee says that the book is completely secondary. It doesn’t matter if their book is good or bad. They just need to raise the most money. It’s a fundraising task. Penn suggests they go up on the roof of Trump Tower and take photos of the city from different perspectives. Clay is concerned the photos may look too similar. Dee considers it but ultimately decides to press on. Clay thinks Dee’s head is up Penn’s rear.

In the van, Debbie is on the phone gathering donations from her high-roller friends. They get out and take photos at several locations around the city. They are very quick. Dayana, Teresa and Aubrey are taking photos as well, but they are SOOOOOOO slow. The ladies have to be back at the tower by 3 p.m.

The guys are on the roof and are impressed with the sights. These photos are going to look great, it seems. Lou poses, and so do the other folks on the team. Lou says this would be an excellent opportunity to push Penn off the roof.

Debbie calls Aubrey’s photo team and tells them they have to get back right away. Lisa says she hates Teresa and Dayana.

Penn works up some words for Paul Sr.’s page in the guidebook. Paul knows nothing about the East Side, so Penn writes a farcical take as if it were coming out of Senior’s mouth. Lots of blanks and presumed swears. Arsenio tells Clay that something he wrote wasn’t actually funny. Clay begins to playfully fight with Arsenio. Arsenio says that if they fight Clay is going to lose. If they sing, Clay will win, but a fight he’ll lose.

The photo team finally returns an hour and a half late. Debbie asks if signage is done for the kiosk. Teresa says someone needs to do that, and Debbie sort of takes it on even though the wasn’t assigned to do it. Teresa feels like Debbie is trying to set her up for failure.

The guys begin working the phones to get donations for the guidebook. Lou calls Vince McMahon. Everybody’s on the phone. Arsenio says people were avoiding him, but he does catch Jay Leno on the phone. Jay says he’s going to FedEx Arsenio a blank check.

The girls continue to fight. Lisa is frustrated that she always seems to be “saving everybody’s ass.” Dayana asks about adding directions for the pages, and Lisa blows a gasket. She yells at Dayana to shut up. Lisa says these good-looking girls need to develop a talent and a brain.

On the Street

The guys are out and about selling their guidebook. Lou is asking folks to pay $5 for the guidebooks, which concerns Dee, but the fact is they need their big money people to come through.

The ladies are out selling as well, and Aubrey says she will give people kisses for buying a guidebook. So, I guess you can get herpes with your book. She doesn’t really have herpes, I think. Who knows?

Michael Andretti returns to the team and offers $20,000 to the team. The team is really impressed that he returned to donate. The team starts making announcements for all the big donors, but Arsenio is totally silent. FedEx failed to deliver the Leno package, and Arsenio’s office spends the day tracking it down. They’re going to try to get it on time.

The ladies are making big money announcements as well. Jeff Foxworthy makes a $5,000 donation. Teresa works the phone and tells her husband to get there ASAP with their donations. As project manager, Lisa says she has to bring in the most donations.

Back to the guys, the Blue Man Group starts approaching. Penn’s partner, Teller, also shows up and donates $20,000 in a wad of cash. Blue Man is a little more interesting. They put money in a balloon and blow it up. Then… chaos! Money flies everywhere, and people start scrambling to grab the cash. Clay gets very perturbed. Clay says that if they got half of what Blue Man gave, he would be surprised. Clay blames Penn for having an idea and not caring how it affected other people.

The women continue bringing in money. Dayana shows up with a $17,500 donation from her Venezuelan friends. Teresa’s husband shows up and brings $20,000 in donations.

With five minutes left, Arsenio’s donation from Jay Leno still hasn’t shown up. His check is on the way, but she’s stuck in traffic. She’s wearing a bright red coat. Once the till closed, she finally arrived. Arsenio says it doesn’t matter what happened, but at the end of the day, he raised zero dollars.

Regis Returns!

Regis shows up to Trump’s office calls him “Trumpster.” Reege likes the women’s book, and says it is more colorful. He loves the men’s book as well. However, the women’s book is more personal, and he waffles between which one he likes.

The First Boardroom

Trump says Dayana had a difficult time last week. She says she always has a difficult time. Aubrey says Dayana brought in money, but she derailed the team by fighting with Lisa. Lisa says the fight was about Dayana interfering with the task of creating the book. Lisa says she wrote the copy for everyone except Aubrey and Debbie. Debbie says people can be more proactive. She blames Teresa for not being organized. Teresa doesn’t say she should have to babysit now that it’s the 7th week. Teresa then gets angry and asks Debbie “are you kidding me” about 20 times. It’s like watching Jerry Springer. Debbie says Teresa wasn’t professional, and Teresa says Debbie shouldn’t talk about professionalism given what she’s wearing with her boobs hanging out. Yes, Debbie appears to be ready for prostitution.

Trump says enough and wants to get it back on track. He says Regis Philbin judged the books. In the end, he liked the women’s book better. The ladies get the bonus and have a $35,000 head start.

Dee says he did a good job. Trump asked about the bursting balloon. Penn said Blue Man won’t actually deal with money in character. Lou says Clay got knocked over. Clay says it was a disaster. Everyone concedes that some of the money was gone and not turned in. Dee says Arsenio brought in the least amount of money. Arsenio tells the Jay Leno story. Trump says the teams raised hundreds of thousands of dollars, and the difference in winning and losing was $14.

The women raised $127,855 plus the bonus for a total of $162,855.

The men raised $162,869. The men win! The March of Dimes will get a check for $326,000.

The men are dismissed, and the ladies remain to duke it out. Debbie says they lost, but not for a lack of trying. She says that Teresa was disorganized, but that’s not why they lost. They lost because of the fundraising. Lisa raised the most money, but Aubrey raised the least at about $20,000. Teresa and Debbie get into a shouting match again. Teresa says she delegated tasks. Debbie disagrees. Trump makes the point that the fundraising is why they lost and starts pointing out Aubrey and Debbie made the least. Teresa has her target on Dayana, but she raised a lot of cash for the team. Debbie says Trump should fire the project manager because of the disorganization and that she didn’t raise the most. Debbie says Dayana is the weakest link “in terms of ideas.” Dayana tells Lisa to cram it, essentially. Dayana says the person who brought the least money is the weakest. Teresa says she’s bringing back Debbie and Dayana.

Clay thinks Teresa will get fired for not picking Aubrey to go back.

The First Casualty

Trump asks Teresa who brought in more money between Debbie and Dayana. Dayana did. Trump asks why Dayana shouldn’t be fired. Dayana is a fundraiser, she says. Teresa is asked if she has a personal problem with Debbie. Teresa says Debbie picks weeks when she delivers and when she won’t. As Debbie and Teresa fight, Trump points out that Dayana smartly isn’t saying a word. Trump asks if Debbie is talented, and Teresa says she’s talented in singing “maybe.” Teresa says she’s not surprised Dayana brought in $25,000. When asked why she didn’t bring in Aubrey, Teresa says Aubrey is a stronger player going forward. Debbie says it should have been Aubrey and Debbie brought back. Don Jr. questions Debbie saying that she and Aubrey should be targeted. If Aubrey’s not there, then strategically, that’s not a good thing to say.

Trump says that no matter what, the book didn’t matter. It’s ultimately about raising money. Aubrey should have been brought back, and she might have been fired. Because she’s not there, Debbie gets fired. Debbie hugs Dayana, but when Teresa asks about getting a hug, Debbie just blows her off.

The Fallout

Dee says that Teresa might get fired for not bringing back Aubrey because of the fundraising. He says this right in front of her, and Aubrey takes offense, of course. Aubrey starts fighting back, and Lisa says “let’s not fight with the men, too.” The men don’t like that Aubrey is starting to stir up trouble with the men’s team. Lisa says she hopes Dayana goes home. Arsenio asks if Lisa doesn’t like Dayana, and Lisa says the guys would shoot themselves if they had to work with her.

In the door walks Dayana and Teresa. It takes a second, but the others realize Debbie was the one canned. Lisa thinks God has it in for her. The girls fight again.

Dee goes to a medical center and presents a check to the March of Dimes, and he holds a premature baby.

The Shakeup

The teams meet again at a gym. Trump says the women have lost 5 of 7 tasks, and he’s switching up the teams. Aubrey likes the idea. Trump says he has to break up Aubrey and Lisa. Lou, Penn, and Dee are now on Team Forte. Aubrey and Teresa are now on Team Unanimous. Arsenio pretends to faint. He knows she’s “going to be dropping banana peels” everywhere.

Two dudes from Walgreens pitch the task. The teams have to promote a program called “Walk with Walgreens.” It’s a live interactive health segment and a design for the membership kit. Allison Sweeney from THE BIGGEST LOSER will help judge.

Forte chooses Lou as the project manager. His charity is the Muscular Dystrophy Association. Lou starts to do pushups, and Aubrey does them as well. Trump says he’s in great shape for 60.

Arsenio is the project manager for Unanimous. He’s playing for the Magic Johnson Foundation. He says he’s also playing for his cousin. She died from AIDS, so this is very personal to him.

The prize is $50,000 for charity.

Lisa doesn’t feel confident at all, and she calls Lou and Dayana idiots.

Planning for Change

Team Forte gets situated, and Dee asks how they usually work. Lisa says that what they’ve done hasn’t been working, so they should try the style the guys have used. Penn says he has to fly out for a show at 2 p.m. Lou is concerned that Penn may not have enough time to rehearse and may make a mistake. The execs from Walgreens (no names, thank you) arrive and do their spiel for Forte.

Aubrey starts spouting ideas. Arsenio says he usually doesn’t lock himself into something before hearing the execs. Speaking of, they show up and do the pitch. Aubrey interrupts Arsenio and quizzes the execs. Arsenio privately says she overstepped her bounds.

Back to Forte, Penn suggests they can do a “what you can do while walking” thing. Dayana comes up with an idea, and Dee appears to be receptive. Penn is coming up with ideas as well, and Lisa says she’s concerned Lou isn’t contributing as much. Lou wants to do the presentation. Penn disagrees, but Lou puts his foot down and says he’s going to do it anyway. Penn goes silent.

Unanimous comes up with ideas for the presentation. Clay suggests to get people involved, they should do a game show thing. Arsenio would host. Aubrey starts talking about the cube design. Then she suggests that Arsenio’s quote should talk about how he “took a walk away from the industry.” He gets a little upset. Then Aubrey suggested the audience get different colored tees as well. They go off to a Walgreens and take photos for the cube. She gets a little possessive about the photos and doesn’t let Arsenio see the photos. She says no.

Penn tells the other Forte people his idea of the rundown. He suggests Dayana also wear a swimsuit. Dee works on the cube design and suggests using Walgreens logos for some of the branding. Don Jr. shows up and surprises the team. Dayana helps Dee with the cube, and Don Jr. says she doesn’t seem as useless as people say she is in the boardroom. Lisa loses her shiznit… privately.

Back to Unanimous, the Aubrey show is in full force. Arsenio wants to use a different photo, but Aubrey stands her ground. Arsenio gives in, and Clay says he feels Aubrey is taking over and making decisions without approval. Eric Trump walks in, and he gets the quick impression that Aubrey is taking over. She catches herself and walks away.

Rehearsal

Forte heads to the rehearsal space. They brainstorm some ideas that people do while they walk. He comes up with stuff like itching and scratching. Dayana says those are negatives, and they shouldn’t use them. At the space, they go through a rehearsal, and Lisa is concerned Lou won’t stick to the script. Lisa says, “it’s going to be so sad when he goes home tomorrow.”

Unanimous is working on the cube, and Aubrey is fabricating quotes for the team. Arsenio wants to write his own quote. He just keeps butting heads with her, and it looks like he’s going to make her a topic of discussion in the boardroom no matter what happens.

Back to Forte, Lisa says Dayana in a bikini is a big mistake. It needs to be classy, and she should wear a one-piece. When Lou and Dayana take off to the store, Lisa tells Dee that she thinks they are stupid. Dee doesn’t see Lisa’s anger towards Dayana. Lisa asks Dee if he likes carrying people through the tasks. Dee just says he doesn’t see Lisa’s perspective.

The Presentation

Forte sets up the stage, and Penn is there working with one hour’s sleep. People start filing in, and the team gets ready. Lou starts it off very strong with a personal story. The judges react strongly, and they dig it. The rest of the presentation goes well except when Penn calls it the “Walk with Walmart” program. He catches himself a little too late, and that’s a big mistake. Dayana ad-libs a joke about Penn wanting to wear her crown, and recovers the crowd. The judges note that the negative words take away from the presentation.

Unanimous starts their presentation. It’s a game show format, and it just seems heavy on information and facts/figures. It’s amusing, and the judges seem to like it. Arsenio says that he put up with a lot of Aubrey’s BS, but if the truth doesn’t come out in the board room, he’s going to throw down.

The Second Boardroom

Trump asks Lou if they won. He says he’s very optimistic. Lisa says she thought Lou was okay as PM, but not great. Lou says he utilizes people’s strengths and conflict can affect the performance. Penn says he didn’t see lots of this. Lisa says Penn did more in two hours than most people do in eight.

Arsenio says he was okay with having Teresa and Aubrey on the team. Clay says Arsenio was a great PM. Clay says Teresa is a better team player than Aubrey. Eric notes what happened during his visit, and Arsenio says you have to customize your style for Aubrey. Clay says Aubrey is so full of idea that she forges ahead without approval.

Trump shows the teams the opposing boxes. Clay says the Forte box is boring. Lisa loves the Unanimous box. Aubrey says she wrote the quotes for the box. Arsenio is pointing out that Aubrey is always taking credit for everything. It’s starting to get nasty. Actually, Arsenio seems really bent out of shape and raises his voice to Aubrey. Trump translates and says Arsenio seems to be upset about Aubrey taking credit instead of giving credit to the team.

Eric says Arsenio’s team was full of energy during the presentation. The execs loved the kit, but the game show format was not great. Trump asks Aubrey who came up with the game show idea, and she doesn’t know. Arsenio pops a gasket again saying that she doesn’t know because it had nothing to do with her. “I hate the selfishness,” he says. Clay says he agrees. Aubrey asks Teresa if she taught her everything she knows, and The Donald calls her on making that statement. Aubrey cries again, and Trump tells her to stop crying.

Arsenio, Clay and Paul says they would fire Aubrey. Clay says she’s the only one who’s not a team player.

Don Jr. says Lou’s testimony was well accepted by the execs. Penn’s Walmart mistake was brought up, and the words used on the cube was also a negative.

The execs loved both teams. However, Arsenio’s team wins. The Magic Johnson Foundation wins $50,000. Arsenio begins crying. Team Unanimous is dismissed, but not everyone makes it back to the boardroom. Aubrey bee-lines it to the elevator and disappears.

Arsenio tells his team the story about his cousin, and he can’t keep the tears back.

The New Forte

Lou says he is surprised. Trump asks is he should be fired. Lou says no, and he says he’s given 110 percent (take a drink). Lou says as PM, he did everything he could, but he shouldn’t be fired. He says Dee didn’t give 110 percent. Dee says he worked on the box and the branding. Trump asks Dee who should be fired as a result, and he says Lou. Dayana says she didn’t have a specific task, and the PM should be fired. Lisa says she would bring in Lou and Dayana. Lisa says their 110 percent is her 50 percent. She works so much harder. Lou says he’s bringing back Dee and Dayana. Trump asks why Lou chose Dayana over Penn, who made the Walmart mistake. He says that Penn was the guiding force behind the task, and it was one mistake. They go off to the lobby.

Clay says they have no idea where Aubrey is. Arsenio is really upset that Aubrey was working against him when it came to winning something for his charity. Teresa says Arsenio looks like a wildcard now. Honestly, Arsenio is freaking out… perhaps too much. Teresa asks how the team will move forward from this. No answer because commercials are more important.

The Second (and Third?) Casualty

Dee, Dayana and Lou walk back into the boardroom. Trump asks why people keep bringing Dayana back. Dee says Dayana is a hard worker. Dayana says the PM should be fired because Lou wasn’t as creative. Dee says everybody was there giving 120 percent (take two drinks) while Lou was essentially letting everyone else work. Trump says the execs hated the box. Dee says he accepts responsibility for the box except the PM approved everything.

Trump asks if Dee was impressed with Arsenio. They’ve never seen him like he was with Aubrey. Dee says Lou is responsible for the loss. Trump says it wasn’t Dayana. Penn probably should be there instead of her. Dee says Lou is a one-note horn. Trump says the execs liked Lou’s testimonial. Trump asks Dee if Lou has a chip on his shoulder, and Dee says he’s a lifelong fan. But he does have a chip on his shoulder.

The task was about presentation and the box design. Dee is fired. Dee exchanges hugs with Dayana and Lou before stepping into the elevator.

Next Week…

Arsenio and Lisa deal with the fallout from Aubrey disappearing.