RECAP: The Incredible Hulk Mops the Floor on ‘Celebrity Apprentice’March 19th, 2012 | Posted by in Featured TV | Reality TV | Television
Ahhhh… another week, another two hours of mind-numbing celebrity action on CELEBRITY APPRENTICE. It pains me each Sunday night to sit here and write about these nitwits, but these guys need the work. They’re playing for charity, of course, but next season I hope one of the D-listers play for the “Celebrity Apprentice Foundation for Melted Viewer Brains.”
SPOILER ALERT: If you haven’t strangled yourself yet after watching the previous episodes of “Celebrity Apprentice,” and you don’t want to know what happens yet, please find something else to read. Here’s an article about CBS picking up 18 shows for next season. None of them are hosted by dudes with comb overs.
Adam Carrolla and Michael Andretti are gone after last week, but Lou Ferrigno and Tia Carrere know they aren’t long for this world if they don’t get more proactive in the game. They quickly pow-wow and talk about this with one another.
Debbie meets up with representatives from Children International and presents them with a check for $50,000. Debbie Gibson may be the new Sally Struthers; she cries again. What is it with her and the crying?
Trump Floors Dayana
The Trumpster meets up with the teams at the New York Public Library and attempts to trick Dayana by asking her what she sees when she looks down. The correct answer? The floor. Did she get it right? No. God help these charities.
He’s brought executives from O-Cedar, and they tell the teams they need to come up with a concept for a viral-type video for the ProMist Spray Mop. The teams are asked to pick their project managers, and Lou steps up immediately to the other guys on Team Unanimous. Tia steps up for Team Forte. Aubrey says that she didn’t want to be project manager for this one because O-Cedar has been around for 100 years “just like Tia.” MEOW!
The teams introduce their project managers. Lou drops down to the ground and starts doing push ups, and Tia announces she is no longer flying under the radar. Trump seems amused and didn’t roll his eyes nearly as much as I did.
“I Have… a Plan!”
In the van as the men head across town, Paul Teutul Sr. asks “a dumb question.” What is a viral video? Penn explains that its a video that many folks send to each other and share all over social media to garner millions of views. Paul seems to get it, and they begin discussing the ideas. The only thing they lock down is that Lou will star in it. Dee Snider makes a comment that they have lots of celebrities at his disposal, but they can still work it around Lou. Are you hearing this, Lou? Oh, wait. Maybe not.
In the women’s van, Dayana tosses out an idea from the backseat that I don’t even understand, and I rolled back the TiVo three times. Aubrey says that she, Debbie and Lisa are coming up with good ideas, but Dayana is in the back coming up with every bad idea she’s ever heard. The ideas from Dayana run the gamut from making fun of beauty pageants, having Cinderella mop, to having a pregnant woman’s water break and then she cleans it up before going to the hospital. I’m with Aubrey on this. What the hell?
The O-Cedar dude strolls into Forte’s work area. Again, I don’t really care to remember this guy’s name. I think it’s Mike, Mickey, Maury, Montel or Sally Jesse. I can’t remember. He says they want to “make it sexy” and have fun with it. Unlike Buick last week, this means humor, people. Let’s see if Tia gets it.
The O-Cedar lady shows up in Unanimous’ work area and extolls the virtues of “viral.” Penn flat out asks if funny is okay. She says funny is okay “as long as the product is the hero” and the video communicates the product features. Also, I have no idea what this lady’s name is. It’s not important. She sells mops.
Back to the women, Tia immediately dismisses Dayana’s “water breaking” idea and apologizes. Lisa Lampanelli comes up with an idea where women are talking about “what’s your number.” The idea is that its implied they are talking about how many men they’ve been with, but they’re really talking about how many mops they’ve used in their lives. Tia seems to dig this as she let’s out an unnecessarily long “Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.” I think she caught a fly in her mouth.
Patricia doesn’t seem to be thrilled with the idea, but she says she will go along with it and try to make it the best she can. Debbie says all of the ladies should be used in the video. They all wrote little “mop partners” anecdotes and fed them to Lisa to combine into something that makes sense. Dayana comes up with an anecdote that borders on inappropriate, although I thought it to be really clever. Even Lisa says what she came up with might not be best to use for the viral campaign. You mean, Lisa Lampanelli, the Queen of Mean and master roaster, has a line that even she won’t cross? What is this world coming to?
Lou says the guys need to come up with a theme. I’m praying it has nothing to do with hulking out. Lou tosses out an idea where a superhero (!!) brings the ProMist Spray Mop to save the day. Penn really goes for the jugular and starts poking holes into how the idea is cliche and hackneyed. Clay begins to lose his cool with Penn crapping all over anything that’s not his own idea. Penn says the only way to brainstorm is to “write it down, shoot it down.” Clay tells the other guys that people in the room are trying to set Lou up to fail by saying why something isn’t going to work yet offering no ideas of their own. “It’s frustrating the hell out of me,” says the AMERICAN IDOL loser. Dee and Arsenio agree, and Arsenio says privately that he has a lot of respect for Clay standing up to Penn. Clay calls out Penn for not offering ideas and calls him condescending. Penn is used to having a partner who doesn’t speak. We may see Penn rip out Clay’s vocal cords, but alas that doesn’t happen. He just says he’s sorry. Senior says they need to lock down a concept and suggests playing with the phrase “I’ll mop the floor with you.” The idea quickly takes hold, and everyone seems to love each other again. Clay lives to see another day. Lou loves the idea.
The women continue to drill down their “what’s your number” idea, and Debbie seems to think Tia isn’t really pulling it all together. Tia gives Patricia a graphic design job for t-shirts the ladies will have made. Debbie wants Patricia to do something other than graphic design, but says she is a little possessive about it. Debbie doesn’t seem to notice that Lisa has usually been the writer for each task.
Dee’s role on the men’s team was as the video’s director. The crew and cast show up to the studio, and Dee gets them the general overview of what he’s looking to do. Dee says Lou needs a t-shirt, so Clay and Arsenio take off to a store to get one. Lou asks Penn how he’s doing. Penn says he’s as happy as he’s ever been. Dee conveys Penn’s sarcasm over to Lou. On the walk to the shop, Clay says he really wants to help Lou to win, and he wonders if Penn will be upset forever about it. Arsenio says nobody ever stands up to Penn, so it probably smarts a bit. Clay and Arsenio agree they HAVE to win this task for Lou.
The camera crew shows up for the ladies and Tia goes over a few ideas with them. Aubrey asks if she can help co-direct or storyboard a bit as she’s a visual creative. Tia agrees but is concerned about the Lisa/Aubrey clique. Aubrey offers ideas on getting the shots from different angles, but Tia says there will only be one angle. Aubrey says Tia isn’t listening to her and that she wants to “sock her in the face.” I want to sock myself in the face for watching this.
Aubrey broaches the idea with Lisa and coats it with a “Tia isn’t listening” rap. Lisa tells Tia it might be a good idea to shoot from two angles so they can pick and choose from what’s taped. She immediately agrees, and Aubrey looks directly in the camera with a WTF look.
Making the Video
The guys are ready to shoot the video, and Lou takes center stage in the shot. He’s just having a little trouble delivering his lines. Clay helps Lou properly pronounce the word “dirt.” As a hearing impaired man, he has no idea that his D’s sound more like J’s. Arsenio coaches Lou to relax and slow down. Success! Lou delivers!
As the ladies begin shooting, Dayana tells Debbie that “there is no mop in the script.” Debbie tells her to tell Tia, however Debbie says she’s getting what they’re doing. Also, it’s late in the game to mess with the concept when they are already shooting. Dayana says they should just continue then. Debbie and Aubrey quietly talk about the concept, and Debbie says she doesn’t think it’s big enough to go viral. Aubrey says she feels underutilized and complains that people are just standing around doing nothing. Aubrey visibly doesn’t like Tia, and we’re probably going to see more fireworks tonight.
The guys are deep into their shoot. Dee decides to incorporate a bit of Lou Ferrigno dancing while mopping, and Lou delivered again. He’s got moves. Seriously, the Hulk dances incredibly. Eric Trump shows up (presumably taking a break from hunting African elephants) to see how the guys are doing. The team seems upbeat and positive about what they’re doing, and Eric doesn’t seem to detect anything amiss. The guys finish shooting, and Arsenio says they have to get to editing.
The ladies start editing. Tia works with the video editor while Debbie and Aubrey work on the presentation portion for the video. They actually look like they like each other. Dayana asks Tia what role the rest of the group has in the presentation portion. Tia walks over the Debbie and Aubrey and asks them to incorporate Dayana in the beginning. Lisa overhears this and goes off on a rant about not catering to everyone’s egos. She says not everyone needs to be included in the videos. Patricia says Dayana keeps trying to stand up for herself, but she keeps getting shot down.
The men start putting together their viral video. They’re using Final Cut Pro, coincidentally. Penn and Clay have a heart-to-heart, and Penn says the word that bothers him the most is “condescending.” (REALITY TV BASS THUMP!) Clay says he has to try to work this out. Penn says people have always dealt with him in a condescending way. Clay says when it looks like when Penn isn’t in charge, he doesn’t want to get involved or contribute. They don’t seem to get anywhere on this. Clay should just let this blow over.
Lisa asks Dayana if she thinks it would be nice to have flowers for the presentation portion. She suggest red peonies. Here comes the fun part. When Dayana is on the phone she asks for the flowers, but with her accent, it sounds like she’s asking for “penis.” Lisa gets a good laugh on this.
Presenting the Viral Video
The men go first, and Lou introduces his team and then the video. The video begins with Lou saying “I want to mop the food with you.” It’s revealed that he’s talking to the ProMist. In the next piece, he begins dancing in the background while mopping. In the foreground, the actress describes the product. It goes really well and earns chuckles from Morty and Martha… or whatever the O-Cedar people’s names are.
Tia starts her presentation, and it comes off similarly to the Buick presentation from last week. The presentation seems more geared to a public audience, but it’s just the O-Cedar people and Eric Trump. Weird. They introduce the video, but it’s really short on featuring the product. The O-Cedar people liked the video for the most part, but they didn’t feel like the mop was the hero.
Here are the two videos:
Meeting in the Boardroom
Trump points out that Lou finally became project manager. Lou is very confident and says they gave 110 percent. If you’re playing the drinking game, you just took a drink when Lou said “110 percent.” Dee says Lou did a great job. When asks if Lou struggled at first, Dee says perhaps but Lou has a “handicap.” Lou bristles at the use of this work and insists it’s a disability. Dee agrees to being non-PC, but says Lou needs to pay attention and listen to what’s going on. Senior says he’s sure they won the challenge. Clay says Lou is the most committed person to the task “He gave 120 percent. Screw 110,” Clay said.
Trump turns his eyes to Tia. She feels they did well. She says the team came together to complete the task. She says Lisa is the heavy lifter. Lisa says Tia didn’t always seem like she had her arms around the task. Tia says she’s no micromanager. We all remember how well that defense worked for George Takei. It didn’t. Trump points out Debbie by calling her “Deborah.” This confuses Dayana as she doesn’t know he’s talking about Debbie. Trump picks up on this and asks Debbie what the story was several years ago when she wanted to be called “Deborah” vs “Debbie.” Debbie says she goes by Debbie, but she says it’s okay for Trump to call her “Deborah.” Whew… one mystery solved.
Dayana says Debbie was stressed out in the task and was emotional. Debbie says she was frustrated with Tia because she wasn’t getting some answers she needed. Don Jr. (complete with safari hat and severed elephant tail) asks if Debbie’s stress was because Debbie, Aubrey, and Lisa were doing much of the heavy lifting during all the tasks. Lisa agrees with this and essentially says the other ladies are not so creative and therefore a bit more useless. Lisa says the least valuable player is Dayana. Lisa never heard an idea out of Dayana that wasn’t useless. Lisa continues that some of Tia’s ideas have just been done before and are cliche. In explaining the “what’s your number concept,” Teresa says to Trump, “how many women have you been with.” Don Jr. eggs his dad on for an answer. He doesn’t get an answer. Tia says everyone agreed on the concept. Patricia says she didn’t agree with the concept, but she supported her team and moved forward with it. Patricia referring to Lisa’s comments says that every person on the team has different strengths, and without those people, the task would have been a complete failure.
Back to the guys… Penn describes the video from the guys including the “I’m going to mop the floor with you” concept. Penn feels good about it. Arsenio says he loves the video and credits Paul Sr. with coming up with the concept. Eric the Hunter asks if Lou made a mistake in minimizing star power for the viral video. Lou says it’s not a mistake because he needed to be the focus so he could prove something to everybody. Not the route I would have gone with Trump, though. In truth, having too many stars in the video would have made it less about the product, and that would have been wrong. Dee says if anyone should get fired, it might be Paul Sr. There just wasn’t a lot for him to do on the task. The board disagrees, though, as coming up with the concept was a huge part of the task. Arsenio says if the team loses, the leader should take responsibility sometimes. He says Paul Sr., but admits that without Senior, there was no concept. Lou says he will bring back Paul and Penn. Mentioning Penn surprises Trump, and Lou says is a “bull in a china shop with a superior attitude.” Here’s where Clay lets loose a little. He says Penn disengages when he’s not in charge. He also says Penn can be condescending sometimes. Dee backs up Clay. Clay says Penn can bring a negative energy when he doesn’t agree with the project manager. Arsenio backs up Clay. He says he has great respect for Clay standing up to Penn. Trump inexplicably starts telling Arsenio how much he loved his show. You know, that show back when Arsenio had hair and Jim Henson was still alive?
And the Winner Is…
The O-Cedar team really liked the women’s presentation, but they didn’t understand so much of the “What’s Your Number” concept. They also felt the ladies spent more energy on the presentation than the video. Dayana says she’s not surprised by that.
O-Cedar really liked Lou in a housewife role and the tag line. They liked the product integration, but they thought the video was more commercial than viral. Again, I disagree with their thinking on this. Any video can go viral. Viral is not a type of video. It’s what happens to a video when it catches society’s funny bone and is shared all over the Internet.
Trump asks Lou if they want to know if they won or lost. Lou says “whatever.” Trump says he feels bad for Lou because he knows how hard they worked on the project. He feels bad because he doesn’t know how he’s going to spend $50,000 on his charity. The men win, and the Muscular Dystrophy Association will get the money!
The men do the happy dance back in the lobby.
Dayana says she’s not surprised by the loss. She brings up the concept she came up with, and Lisa says she humored Dayana. The concept was funny but it was dirty… for O-Cedar. Dayana explains that the concept had a “double sense.” She means double entendre, of course. Lisa says people who give creative ideas shouldn’t be fired. It falls on the project manager who approves a concept. Firing someone who gives ideas will keep people from contributing in the future.
Aubrey says this task is the least enjoyable time she’s had. She felt people were being underutilized, and if people weren’t sitting around all the time, the ladies may have won the task. Patricia says Lisa brings more to the team than Tia. Lisa says Dayana is always the most distracting and derailing. Patricia backs up Dayana and says Dayana’s idea wasn’t good, but she puts her heart into the tasks. Aubrey says she would fire Tia because she’s project manager, yet Dayana’s weaker. Patricia says Teresa is the weakest player, and Trump seems stopped in his tracks. She says Teresa does things slower. Teresa claims she’s qualified to do other things as well. She says she could be a writer because she’s written three books with a ghostwriter. *FACE PALM*
Teresa says Tia is a stronger player than Patricia. Teresa says it seems like all Patricia does is the printing. Aubrey says the cat fighting is embarrassing. She says there are three creative and three worker bee types, and “sometimes when you’re the beige paint, you need to own that you’re the beige paint and keep it moving.” Aubrey then says Tia is in her 50′s, which Tia snaps back and says 40′s. Aubrey’s playing the age card. Aubrey says if she’s overshadowing her at 27, then Tia needs to go. She gives the example of the camera angles situation and explains how Lisa saying the same thing was well-received by Tia.
Watching on the monitor, Arsenio says, “she’s so self-righteous. No wonder Diddy fired her. Penn doesn’t believe in God, but I do. If there is a God, Aubrey is out of here.”
Trump gives Tia the opportunity to defend herself. She says that Aubrey’s attitude is the result of being the head of a sorority. Aubrey says she was the fat nerd and was unpopular. Now she’s just unpopular, I guess, because I think she’s attractive and stupid.
When asked who Tia will bring back to the boardroom, something weird happens. Instead of naming Dayana and Patricia/Teresa, she asks Trump if she falls on her sword, will he fire two people like he did with Adam Carrolla. He says no. She says okay, and she’s not going to bring someone back. Tia gets boardroom blitzed. She’s fired.
Clay and Arsenio say they don’t think Tia would have been fired. King Combover says it was an “amazing boardroom.”
In the limo, Tia makes it clear she wanted to leave because people were being ugly and cruel to one another.
Next Week on CELEBRITY APPRENTICE…
Clay and Aubrey lead their teams in a presentation for Crystal Light.