Looks like Tom Hanks blew his genetic load on his first-born son Colin, and then left little in the gene pool to be desired for his talentless aspiring rapper son Chet.

Below is his music video of him croaking out on offensively poor attempt at rap or R&B or some sort of song about sex and drinking and puffing on something. Also there is a girl in underwear running around.

If there is one thing Chet Hanks Haze learned from growing up the offspring of a celebrity, it’s how to talk like you are trying to pretend you didn’t grow up the offspring of a celebrity. Chesta, please, go right ahead and change your name to whatever foshizzles yo fancy. We still know you are the son of Forrest Gump…oh, and also, you go to Northwestern. Let’s just chalk this musical diarrhea up to an identity crisis and serious cry for attention, and all will be forgiven, albeit permanently seared into my brain meat.

The whole charade would be a little easier to swallow if he had a mediocre Northwestern girl in the video in cotton Hanes underwear instead of the hot brunette crawling around, because let’s be real, not even Tom Hanks as a father-in-law is worth that trouble. No one is buying it, Chester.

My favorite part is where he implores his girl to “stretch it out.” What say you? Consider hiring a new lyricist, m’dude, because the first thing that came to my mind is an overworked, loose vajay. Not cute.