This is not a recap. And it’s not a review. Think of it more like a refresher of last week’s episode before you watch this week’s episode.

“Whatever I Am, You Made Me” is the name of Episode 3 of the True Blood’s Season 5. Here’s a little rundown of what went down.

Pam is still killing it – It’s been a really slow start to this season and Pam is about the only thing really keeping it interesting. We learn via her flashbacks that she sleeps with Eric, begs him to turn her into a vampire because human life is so banal, and when he refuses, she attempts to kill herself so he HAS to turn her. Just Pam being Pam. In real time, Pam does not care at all for the existential crisis her baby vamp Tara is going through. She cares so little that it infuriates Sookie into throwing a fairy fireball at her at Fangtasia.

Bill and Eric make a pact – Damage control is the name of the Authority’s game so Roman agrees to let B&E go track down Russell Edgington before he destroys the fragile vampire-human relationship. The Authority outfits them with little mechanisms programmed to stake them through the heart should they try any funny business. They set out on their merry way but not before Salome (apparently a vampire whore from the bible days) bangs them both out in order to make sure they aren’t actually double-crossers like Eric’s vamp-sister.

Tara hates her undead life – She is still rampaging through town, pissed off about the new forever-life Sookie and Lafayette forced on her. She cant quite force herself to bite anyone so she gets Sam to give her all the True Blood in Bon Temps and then hide her in the walk-in freezer when the sun comes up.  At the end of her first day as a vampire, she breaks into a tanning salon and tries to kill herself via fake-bake. Her maker, Pam, senses this and we assume will go save her because why not? Tara has almost died like 50 times, and then did die, and we still cant get rid of her.

Jason Stackhouse was molested – Well, legally. When he was a kid. He runs into a former teacher who we come to find out was the Mary Kay Letourneau of Louisiana back in the day. She’s the one responsible for turning Jason into the sexed up man whore he is today. He initially thought that whole thing was great (she taught him to do the one thing he was ever really good at, after all) but after revisiting those stomping grounds, he realizes this is very wrong. He’s tired of the messed up relationships he’s had and leaves, distraught. Poor Jason. Where does a man turn when the one thing he really loves stops making him happy?

Andy Bellefleur has his eye on Sookie – and not in a good way. In a “investigating Debbie’s disappearance and suspects Sookie of killing her” way. Debbie’s werewolf parents are in town looking for her and eventually, Sookie confesses to Alcide that she did indeed blow her freakin head off. He’s pissed but what can you do?

Miscellaneous bits – Lafayette realizes he has a little bit of Jesus’s black magic in him when he unconsciously dumps ammonia in the gumbo he is cooking. Hoyt is a full on fang-banger and hits up Fangtasia looking for a new Jessica. Steve Newlin is the new Nan Flannigan and mouth piece for The Authority’s vampire goodwill campaign.

So there you go. Maybe this week we will see some Russell Edgington action, finally. There were like, 10 bad-guys last season. Could we get ONE to root against this season, please? Here is a clip of this week’s episode “We’ll Meet Again.”